How To

Some people think I am a "know-it-all".  I dislike being told that.  I realize I do act that way some times, when I catch myself, I try to stop.  I am getting better.  However, on this page... fuggeddaboudit!!!  Here, in my own words, chosen carefully from the few thousand that I actually comprehend, I plan to explain exactly the How To do things.  I am not saying they are right or correct or anything, these are just my way - or to be less intrusive (controlling?) to some, they are "a way".  And not to be rude (me?), but if you don't like the idea of me explaining the How To of something, stop for moment and ask yourself, "what the hell am I doing reading this crap anyhow?"  Feel better?  I didn't think so.

Toilet Paper Issues

What is the big deal here?  When you use the last of - or even the almost last of - the toilet paper, you replace it.  Makes sense, right?  From my experience it does makes sense, but through observation of other people's actions, it does not actually happen.  Sometimes to another person's embarrassment or misfortune.  Let us not go in to detail here.  My personal rule is prevention.   Keep 2 to 4 rolls of toilet paper on the plunger's pole (you do have a plunger by the toilet, don't you?  Don't give me another subject to write about!).  If you are not comfortable with spare rolls of toilet paper in plain site, at least keep them under the sink or somewhere where a desperate sole might think to look (your guests should never have to call for you through a closed door to get them a roll).

I know no one wants to talk about it, but I also need to put in two bits on direction.  Should the paper come off forward (over the top) or down the back?  I have given this over 30 years of thought and found only one single experience in my life to help me see a path here.  In the mid 1980s I had a cat named Solitaire (yes, named after a Bond girl).  Solitaire taught me rather conclusively that if you have a cat, forward/over-the-top is an invitation for a cat to unroll the entire roll in to a fairly neat pile... which can then be rolled and played in and turned in to a rather catastrophic (pronounced cat-ass-troph-ick) mess.  So the simple rule here is, if you own a cat, the paper show go down the back.  If you don't own a cat, I am not sure I can help you.  If you have read this far, I am not sure anyone can help you.  

Be good to your guests.  Be good to yourself.  Help prevent toilet paper situations from occurring.  Work towards not allowing your friends and family becoming victims of embarrassment.  Thank you for listening.

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